


Amor Vincit Omnia

by NotEnoughAnswers



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 08:31:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6072259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEnoughAnswers/pseuds/NotEnoughAnswers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tessa is awake late reading when she hears a cough coming from Jem's bedroom...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amor Vincit Omnia

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted from FanFiction.Net, February 2016.

Tessa Gray had read _Pride and Prejudice_ countless times, but on each subsequent reading, it seemed to her as if there was some new passage she had not discovered, some piece of dialogue that struck a chord with her in ways it had not before. It was remarkable, she thought, how mere scribbles across a page could be so powerful, how they could change and shape their readers. All one had to do was pick up a book, and they would be transported to another world entirely. It reminded her of a different time, a simpler time, when monsters had only existed in books. Sometimes, if she closed her eyes and concentrated, she was able to imagine that she was in New York again, in the living-room of their tiny apartment, with Aunt Harriet sewing in the corner and Nate asleep in the armchair beside her, the heavy comfort of a book in her lap. She didn't think she could ever be that innocent again.

She knew in the back of her mind that she ought to be asleep; it was well past midnight and the fire was burning low in the grate, occasional sparks leaping out of it and landing on the carpet. But Tessa couldn't bring herself to regret her decision to read: she had gone up to the library after dinner and the novel had seemed almost to beckon her. Now she was nearly halfway through and, though she felt her eyes closing, was determined to finish it. She was still wearing her evening dress, but she suspected that Sophie was asleep and Tessa did not want to summon her just so the maid could help her into a nightgown. At any rate, her dress would be light enough to sleep in anyway: it was cream-colored with a delicate floral pattern embroidered into the fabric. It was one of the dresses that she had gotten on her very first excursion with Jessamine, but Tessa did not wish to think about the other girl for very long. The memory of Jessie caused her more pain than she would have thought possible.

She had just put down the book when she heard a faint noise from the corridor outside, and wondered if it was just Church prowling the Institute at night as usual—almost like Will, she thought, and firmly pushed the thought out of her head. But then she heard it again, and realized that it wasn't Church at all: it was a very human cough, and the sound sent a cold shiver of horror through her.

Even before her mind caught up with her, Tessa was on her feet and in the hallway, pausing in front of Jem's door. He was coughing again, and her heart leapt into her throat. For a moment she hesitated, wondering if she should fetch Will or Charlotte—Jem had not betrayed any sign of his illness for weeks. _But I am Jem's fiancée,_ she told herself firmly. _I must face this myself._

She raised her hand and knocked very quietly on his door, listening for any sound within. But there was no immediate answer; at least he had stopped coughing. Tessa knew that it was not proper to walk into his bedroom in the dead of night, even if he _was_ her fiancé. But she could not think about such restrictions anymore, especially if he was ill. Her burning curiosity quickly got the better of her, and she reached out to gently push open his door.

Jem's bedroom was dark and quiet, the only illumination a witchlight burning low in the corner. His window was open, and Tessa could hear the loud chirping of crickets outside. A cool night breeze blew past her, and she shivered.

"Tessa? Is that you?" Jem's voice was soft but hoarse. She was suddenly struck by the memory of their first meeting: _Is that you, Will?_

She smiled and stepped forward, suddenly anxious to see him. "It is." His witchlight stone was sitting on the bedside table, and Tessa crossed the room to take it, holding it up and illuminating the room with a bright blue light.

Jem was sitting on his bed, wearing a pair of dark trousers. His white shirt was partially unbuttoned, and Tessa's heart skipped a beat as she blushed, hoping he wouldn't notice. His violin was resting in its case by his feet, looking as though it had been put down in a hurry. He smiled almost sheepishly up at her, and despite her worry Tessa smiled back. But that quickly disappeared as she noticed that he'd quickly turned up the collar of his sleeve—to hide the fact that he had been coughing blood, perhaps?

"Jem—" she began, very aware of his eyes on her. Although she had worn the same dress during the day, it felt different now as she stood in the moonlight, as if she was somehow more exposed. "I heard you coughing and I wished to make sure you were all right."

"I am quite all right," Jem agreed, his voice remarkably steady. "Although I must admit I am much better now that you are here."

The comment would have sounded rehearsed, even sarcastic, in another's voice, but Jem's tone was never anything but genuine and earnest. His eyes were bright as he stared up at her, a warm smile beginning to curve his lips. Tessa barely noticed that she had unconsciously drifted towards him, and her fingers ached to touch him. "James, you must not hide anything from me," she said, fighting to stay calm. She herself was amazed at the intensity of the emotions he could elicit from her, as if he were a sun and she could not help but orbit around him. "We are to be married soon," she continued, her voice almost reverent at the mention of marriage. "Your burdens are my burdens—"

"Please come here," Jem said hoarsely, his expression abruptly turning serious. Tessa did not need to be told twice, and the witchlight fell out of her hand as she closed the distance between them. Jem took both of her hands in his, gently stroking her thumb in a gesture of reassurance. "Everything you have said is true, Tessa," he murmured, turning his face up toward her. "I would never hide anything from you,  _wǒ de ài._ I just have not taken enough of the drug today."

He attempted to smile, but Tessa did not. Anxiety was still burrowing its way into her chest. She reached out and took his face in her hands, brushing her fingers along his jawline. His skin was so pale— _too_ pale—and his bones felt hollow, as if they could snap in half at any moment. Tessa wished that he could absorb her strength somehow, as if they could switch places and he would be the healthy one, the— _immortal_ one—and she would shoulder his burden. She would gladly do it for him.

Jem's eyes had closed at her touch. The lids under them were shadowed, almost purple in the dim light. Tessa leaned over and softly kissed the top of his head, her own eyes fluttering closed. "I love you," she whispered. The words weren't adequate—no words in any language would ever be adequate to describe Tessa's feelings for him. She had never thought she would see the day when words would no longer become sufficient, but she had. And she found she wasn't at all bothered by that fact.

 _"Wǒ ài nǐ,"_ Jem murmured back to her, his breath tickling her skin. They were both shaking slightly from the depths of their emotion, from the intimacy of such a simple gesture. Tessa could not shake the feeling that he, while telling her the truth, was not telling her the _entire_ truth, but she would not ask him about it. She trusted Jem enough to know that he had his reasons for everything, and that he would tell her when it was time.

Now it was Jem's turn to cup her face and bring it down to his. He kissed her tenderly, lovingly, but it was still not close enough. Tessa wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him close to her—all thoughts of propriety and social conventions had flown out of her head at his touch. She could feel his heart beating steadily against her, and she finally smiled as Jem's hands wound in her hair.

He had just pulled away to give her room to breathe when Tessa's foot caught on a crack on the floorboard, and she involuntarily gasped as they both fell backward onto the bed. She remembered lying with Jem like this once before, but with his body covering hers—

Neither of them had made any effort to pull away, but Jem stuttered out an apology all the same, turning a bit red himself at their very close proximity. Tessa's heart was slamming against her chest, and all she knew was that she never wanted to stop touching him.

Jem was obviously expecting her to pull away, but she didn't, and his arms tentatively wound around her, one hand still gently stroking her hair while the other covered her hand with his. Tessa rested her face against his shoulder, burying it in the crook of his neck, and she felt his warm lips press a kiss to her temple. She couldn't remember the last time she had ever felt so content.

"Is this—all right? I mean…is it too close?" Jem asked self-consciously, giving her yet another chance to move away. But Tessa stayed where she was, and snuggled further into him as an answer.

They lay in silence for a long while, their hearts beating out a synchronized rhythm, until Jem asked, "Were you having trouble sleeping? Did I wake you?" Tessa could feel the vibration of his voice throughout her entire body, and shivered in pleasure.

"No, of course not," she reassured him. "I was reading."

Jem smiled, his eyes turning tender. "I should have guessed," he teased gently, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. He cleared his throat mock-theatrically, and announced, "Tessa Gray, you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you…"

 _"Pride and Prejudice!"_ Tessa exclaimed in delight. "I was just reading that." She tilted her head up so that she could see his face, and pretended to frown. "How did you know?"

"I thought, just as how you can understand my soul by my music, I can understand yours in turn by the words that you love," Jem said shyly. He ducked his head in embarrassment, his silver hair falling over his face, and took her hand again, his long fingers intertwining with hers.

Tessa was suddenly overwhelmed with a desire so strong that it was almost violent, and knew that she had never loved anyone or anything as deeply as she loved the boy who was lying next to her. "You do not need to read books to understand my soul or my heart," she said. "You already know it inside and out. You always have and always will, Jem Carstairs."

His eyes widened slightly, perhaps at the vehemency of her declaration, but there was no hiding the joyful look that slowly crossed his face, lighting it up from the inside. Tessa felt his heart begin to beat quicker, and this time she was the one to stroke his hand, lifting her head so she could kiss him.

"Please stay with me," Jem murmured hoarsely against her lips, and Tessa found that there was nothing she would rather do.


End file.
